It’s Starting To Be a Habit

I seem to have found a rhythm of writing more than I ever did before. From what I understand, that’s a good thing. Thanks to Wendy the Wanderer for the encouragement.

Speaking of habits, my new doctor (Dr. Bellin, primary care, which is important) seems to understand addiction and also have good sense. That makes him a real find. Anyhow, we talked about the drug that’s supposed to keep me awake (Vyvanse). It’s a controlled substance, which makes nuisance factors, but it’s pretty rare to have this one become an addiction. I have learned from him and another source that people can’t even sell it in the street. Good. It does some good in keeping me awake, although I still can’t count on being alert enough to do things like driving. I’ll settle for that today to avoid any real risk of addiction. The key internal thing for me is that it does nothing for my mood. Nothing negative, nothing positive, nothing weird. That matters to me because all of my addictions are ways to escape my real feelings and/or things I need to do. If a drug does only what it’s meant to do, I can use it.

I’ve never been ordinary, and here we go again. My cholesterol is low enough (below 200), but the “good” cholesterol is too low and the “bad” cholesterol is too high. Even Doctor Bellin didn’t have a suggestion for that one that fits my budget. If I get more SNAP (food) benefits, I need to eat fruits and vegetables.

I brought a Vyvanse prescription home but ran out of energy to go have it filled and then discovered storms were moving in. I’ll get the medicine tomorrow. I could not have taken Vyvanse at this time of day (say, 4 or 5 p.m. by the time I got home with it) without  either staying awake very late or waking at some odd (and early) time. The storms missed us here except for a very gentle rain that fell for maybe two hours. Other nearby places, including Delaware County, got stronger storms, and a I saw a headline that 5,000 people had lost power in Hilliard. It never blinked here, and I appreciate that.

I slept poorly last night but have been awake all day since around 5:00 a.m. Well, I got pretty drowsy for a few minutes here and there, but basically I’m awake. Why did I do better today than on many of the days following a good night’s sleep and/or Vyvanse? Nobody knows.

I talked to Dr. Bellin about the CPAP, which I have used the past three nights. The conclusion was that I’ll go back to the “tongue stabilizer” that I found on Amazon.com or ebay.com, I can’t remember which. These are sold as snoring aids. It takes up very little space, works very simply, and the only maintenance is “rinse with hot water.” Even better, I think I get higher-quality sleep with it than I do with CPAP therapy. That’s a win-win situation, except for the people selling CPAP machines and supplies.

Much of this will be of interest only to me and my friends, but it matters to me. It amuses me today that I thought sobriety would be boring. Not even close.

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